Givin' up

Hey, u know, friends are all hanging by a thread wif me now, my words sometimes ,, SOMEHOW, pierce a friend's heart, im wishing dat HE can forgive me, yea, i guess i've been reather irritating , dats why, i've been pushed to a point where im losing my sanity.One by one, i lose my frends, im losing my branches to this world,. My friends are all my branches of my tree of the world.With those branches tearing of the trees, the tree eventually withers and dies.I tink dat i will be dat tree once i've lost wad i have held dear.I ask for forgiveness, but i am rarely forgiven, however, i strive i to forgive others who have wronged me, i duno why i have such a weak heart, why i care about others too much while others dun care nor give a damn about me.Why,i ask myself, should i care at all?. Well mayb becuz i dun WAN to let go nor forget wad i hold dear. Its as if i've been transported to a distant land, away from communication with the world. Im alone and have lost what i've been hoping to last through my whole life. With the move frm sec 1 to sec 2, losing frends is the last thing i would want.But still , dat is exactly wad is happening in my life.I am hoping for some light at the end of this dark tunnel, but alas that is never going to happen to such a person like me.All the wrongdoings dat i have done.I am beginning to hate myself,for wad i've become, a sad young boy devoid of frends. At every turn, i am dejected,forgotten and wiped off the the memories of those i thought to have been my frends. Why, shood this happen to me? well, maybe i am the weakest boy on earth, crying over spilt milk. How stupid is dat? I've tried, more than a dozen times, to talk to those i have wronged,yet forgiveness is but a century away.But , i will still stay on this world for the sake of staying, I now have no goal in life now that i am alone,and by no means happy.All that is left now are memories,memories that seem to have been made a long time ago,never to return to me.Happy,sad ,and angry memories flash through my head, with each memory killing my body,slowly but surely, to oblivion.Again i say, whats the use of crying? its not going to solve anything. WHY is nobody talking to me? WHY izzit that i am pushed away?WHY do i have to endure such suffering.It is,by all means, worse than death at times.however, i do not plan to leave this beautiful world yet, for i still have but a beating heart,a heart which keeps hoping,even when the rest of my body has given up.It keeps pumping valiantly,keeping me alive.I now appreciate, skin, bone, and beating heart, for these and the things that have helped me experienced the best of this earth.yet still, my soul is in torture,i may still be alive, yet i am dieing in the inside.having said all this,why dont u look at me.A stupid little boy who keeps hoping,just hoping, that something will happen,yet that chance is never possible to be achieved nor fulfilled.why then does that boy keeps hoping? it is because that little boy does not want to be gone.. does not want to be forgotten... and is still hoping thateverything will turn out fine. Yet still, what is hope when there is darkness ahead , more thick than hope, thicker than the darkest night.it will swallow all of this boy's hope and he will be left with nothing.My family is torn apart by secrets and lies,my friendships are torn apart by none less than the meanest mistakes. My heart,though pumping valiantly,torn apart to watch all of this happen right before my eyes.I have drawn much regret from the truth of of my being.
this feeling,it gnaws on my insides and burns my soul,i have to keep it inside,for there is nothing more i can do.Life as i know it, will change forver, never to be able to return again to wad i wished for.All i await for now, is the forgiveness i seek,that shall take an eternity,yet still,I shall wait through that eternity,to receive that forgiveness i have long sought after.I end this post with this:Forgive me. Forgive all my wrongdoings.Forgive me and forget the wretched past , and let us look to the future, where a possibly brighter day shall come. Until then, i give up on love,yet still cling on to friendship.