Hello!
First Post of 2015! How amazing~
Welcome to another edition of Life Update! where I try to revive this blog with atleast one post a month!
But there are a few things I need to get out of the way first. I have to get this off my chest, and it's actually been there for nearly a year now. In my previous post, I ended off by saying that I've already mentioned all the major things that have happened to me over the course of 2014. Well, truth be told, I lied. Most of my friends should know by now that I recently became single in the month of March of 2014, after being attached for slightly over 2 years.
Why talk about it now of all times?
Well this may sound stupid, but I haven't really properly gotten over it, even though a good 10 months have past since it happened. But now, I feel that it's finally time to get a life ( :P ) and let loose whatever has been going on in my mind since.
Of course, I'm not about to go into detail about the nature of the break up, nor the relationship I had. All I can say about our time together, is that my time with her was arguably the best times of my life. The fact that this was my first ever long-term relationship (considering my longest was only a month and a half before that) probably contributed to that fact. To have someone to be completely vulnerable with, someone where you don't have to hide yourself, and you don't have to put a mask on with. Well I haven't been able to be that comfortable with anyone else for a long while. The trust we had was mutual and we had a great sense of freedom in our relationship.
As I mentioned, I'm not going to elaborate the why, I'll just give a little snippet. Long story short, as the months dragged by, we grew apart. Yes, that happened, and after the new year, it reached a sort of tipping point. It was so bad that it felt like we just tolerating each other for 3 months. On my end, I tried everything I could to try and rekindle what we had, but to no avail, as March came and went, so did my sanity for the next few weeks.
I'm not gonna lie, I was broken during the first week. A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind, how am I going to go on? what can I do to get her back? can I even get her back? will we even be friends? do I even want to continue a friendship?
Tears flowed freely whenever I wasn't pre-occupied with anything. My thoughts would wander and stray to all the happy times (how cliche) and how I could have saved the relationship. All I could think of was, what did I do wrong? These were hard times, and I become painfully aware of the reality of my situation. I had just spent 2 years loving another person, and now, this affection was just flung up into the air, leaving me feeling pretty lost. I reflected on how I treated her, and knowing that whatever it is I think I could've done, it would not have stopped the inevitable.
Ultimately, after a long while, I started to get to grips with my situation. I realized that it was the only way forward for the both of us, and nothing good would have come from us trying to resuscitate a dying relationship. My daily routine returned to normal and I made a promise to myself to change for the better. In fact, I was sort of desperate to have want to have something to do with the sudden amount of time that came with being single.
This was when I decided, in April, to join the Chua Chu Kang Youth Executive Committee (cckyec).
But first, a little background.
During happier times, she invited me to help out with her volunteering activities. I went along of course, and enjoyed myself at these events. But after March, I lost that avenue to take part in grassroots activities. It was then I had an epiphany ( :P ) . I was gonna take the opportunity to take part in such activities myself. Of course, taking part in the same activities as her was out of the question. So, I opted for a choice that was closer to home. This led me to send that fateful e-mail to apply for membership into cckyec.
Let me tell you that it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life (: Slowly but surely, I started to get to know everyone in cckyec. Also, I became more involved in their monthly happenings and various events. It was pretty awesome that I was accepted into the YEC family so quickly, and I have really enjoyed being in the company of great friends (:
Looking forward to many many many more events with the cckyec family (:
This was just one of the various ways that helped me cope with March. I caught up with old friends, met new ones, and basically increased my circle of friends two-fold. Everyone I knew comforted me and reassured me that everything was gonna be okay. And yeahp, 10 months on, everything is indeed okay!
Another way I've been dealing with it is through music-making. Only recently I performed at the Esplanade. YES ESPLANADE! Not only that, IT WAS AT FULL CAPACITY! I was thrilled to be able to perform infront of atleast a thousand people! It was a great achievement for me. On a side note, it was also the first time my sister watched me perform, and that was a personal victory in itself!
I've chosen now to talk about this, because I guess I'm finally able to talk comfortably about it (: It took me a long while, and I went through a lot of shit to get to where I am today, but the journey has been a real eye-opener for me. There's still more to life that I've yet to discover and I shouldn't let such things hold me down. I've generally enjoyed 2014 an am looking forward to a brighter and better 2015 !
Cheers!